Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A+ Viking dick
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
