Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
