How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
not ubering you a puppy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
