Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize