So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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