i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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