They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dick very happy bro
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
