Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
