When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
