I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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