Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
