You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
