Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
