i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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