Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
