too bad you live with your parents still
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
