miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
