Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
