It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
