life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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