i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
