she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
