Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
