conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
