I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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