First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize