well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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