Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
