It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
