I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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