This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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