Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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