hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
