my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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