I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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