People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We need to rekindle our bromance
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
