I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The best revenge is premature balding
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
God I need to hump something, right now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
