so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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