Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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