oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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