I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Vodka?
Forever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
