On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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