The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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