i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
