brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
