there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
