Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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