the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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