The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
