Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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