I just threw up on my dentist
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
