She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
