The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
