please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
