I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
