just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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