just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
