That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
