I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
