: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
