We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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