Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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