You can't special order awesome
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
