so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
