that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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