Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
