Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
