why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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