That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize