I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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