I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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